I was learning at 16. I would wake up at dawn to find baba reciting Quran, I learnt that our souls have cravings.
I would watch him as he would bow in Salah, his head staying there for a few minutes touching the ground, I would observe in silence. I learnt that you are strong as long as you know your Rabb is Greater than everything.
I was learning that day baba left for work in a rush, never to return. I learnt this world is not meant for perfect endings, you live as a traveler and you have to leave as one.
I learnt the next day when we got his luggage back as I smelled his burned clothes, how fire destroys the human body while things may last for an eternity.
I was learning at 18. I would watch mama smile everytime someone told her about their dreams of baba. I learnt that Love makes you forget your own suffering.
She told us she felt him in her dream once. I learnt that my Lord is Al-Lateef, everytime my parents met in dreams.
I was learning at 20. I had only read it before but then I felt it, the difference between empathy and sympathy.
I learnt we all carry an ocean in us; of kindness, strength, fear and hope. And another ocean of tears. The latter never dries. The former keeps increasing everytime you use it.
I learnt that it’s maybe because in your consumption, you take a step closer towards the Source. You find His Love. You find Him closer to you. You fear His anger. You pray your Rabb never leaves you.
At 24 all I know is that you keep learning, of losses and findings. Everyday you lose a part of yourself to find another. It’s not always better than what’s lost. But you’ll find what you search for if you keep trying. Just keep trying.
Love this so much, Masha Allah!